Diaries of a mad woman

I can't breath. This sucks. I've taken my inhaler 3 times today. That's a high amount. I cannot remember when I had needed my inhaler so much. Blah.

On top of that I am wide awake. I had intentions of waking up early and heading out to the Black Friday sales. Don't think that's really going to happen since funds are kind of low.

I'm typing this up rather quickly. Man are the words just flowing from my fingers. Hooray for fast typing? Maybe.

This just could be that I'm jittery because I've taken my inhaler too much in one sitting, which was about 2 hours ago.

So I should actually be okay. My hands are not shaking like that one time I accidentally took my inhaler twice within a 15 minute time span.

I don't even know why I am writing this entry. I don't know...what the point of this is.

So fuck off.

x.X

I’ve been writing in my Deadjournal (as it should be) somewhat so at least I’m writing.

Now that Izzy is on there I tend to write in there more and less in here even.

However, I still love the lure of Livejournal. Especially it’s extended storage of icons.

This entry is basically so the world knows I’m not dead...

Or am I?

*don don don*

I’m a ZOMBIE!!

Grrr! Argh!

x.X

I stayed home today because I was too tired to actually get up and moving. I had a restless night. So after I made my decision of staying home, I continued to have a restful sleep. Only this time it was cause I kept dreaming about work.
My mind is plaguing on me now because of it. The last time I took off was in mid April. I had five sick days counting the one I took today. It's not like I'm turning it into a monthly thing right?

*sigh*

I hate it how people treat you when you come back from a sick day. It's always, "It's so nice to have you back." "Are you feeling better."
Okay so writing it out actually sounds nice, but there is this look on their faces plus their tone of voice hints that you were the gossip of the day before. ¬_¬

Well, suck it up. It's my own fault for not going today. Deal with it, Babe.

Will some just take me out to a field and you know...

skull fuck me?

x.X

↑ I know that's a name of the movie, however, it should be based on my life. And instead of a comedy it would be a tragedy.

Or at least that's how I feel right now :(

I think it's more of the insecurities and paranoia caused by stress.

Holy Cheetos I'm sick of things.

X.x

My inability to sleep I think is affecting my moods, and more specifically my anxiety/paranoia.

Somewhere through the foggy haze that is from being sleep deprived I know my mind is telling me I should have realized this long ago. But shut up. I’m tired.

Monday, I fell asleep relatively early or what’s considered early these days, which was roughly 11ish.

Last night, not so good. It was around 1 in the morning. I was all set trying to catch some Z’s when my mind started composing a poem in my head. So, of course, I got up and wrote it down cause if I didn’t it would have been lost.

I wonder if I’m subconsciously unable to sleep at night because my mind is trying to keep me tired so I can’t fully comprehend our financial situation at home or if I am having the lack of sleep because I am thinking of the financial situation.

Probably the latter. I understand the extremeness of everything. It sucks

I did some calculations and the maximum of sleep I’ve been getting is 6 hours, which wouldn’t be that if I was getting that nightly. However, on average I get about 3 hours of sleep. -_- z

Enough sleep talk. I’ve always said that I can sleep when I’m, and that just may be the case now.

This one co-worker was listening to celtic/new age music, which I can see why it’s a good idea to listen to at work (especially during hectic stressful moments), however, it was making me sleepy. So I put on the Depeche Mode CD I have here (Violator)

However, she always plays her music a little loud whereas mine you barely hear it when you’re sitting at my desk. But that’s okay. It’s generally music that I like such as opera or lounge music.

O_o now that I think about she’s actually fulfilling her stereotype. She's an overweight Itilian woman, who talks all the time about loving to cook not to mention the music she generally plays.

Curse you Rob for making me think in these ways!

Good people can be horrible influences

My afternoon was a nightmare. Stress levels to the point of where I threw up because I was so tense. Fun times.

Patrice is supposedly attending my birthday party. That should be interesting. I haven't really hung out with her since last May at Acen...really. I got her birthday and Christmas gifts to give her. I hope it all goes all right.

Dan is weird. He kept saying how I should rekindle things with my best friend referring to Patrice. However, he didn't realize today that though yes, she is one of my best friends, I don't believe in having just one. I told he was one of my best friends too. He was shocked and a bit taken back (in a good way I think).

Izzy might not be able to go because she might have to cover for a girl at her work, who might have mono. :(
This sparked the conversion of, "Who gets mono these days?"

I'm getting my taxes done Saturday morning. Don't know how Sunday, which is my party will go...

For now I'm going to go though.

Adios!

~Adiens~

Pisces THE FISH is the sign of the dreamer
The most idealistic, romantic and poetic sign, Pisceans are only too happy to lose themselves in their relationships. Being loved is vital to their well-being. They are very caring, and make compassionate and reflective partners.

The bright side
Piscean sensitivity is so finely tuned that it reacts like blotting paper to the atmosphere. When nursing the sick, for instance, Pisceans are apt to reflect a patient's own symptoms themselves. Indeed, Pisceans often have problems defining the boundaries between fact and fiction in general.
Pisces is empathetic and compassionate, and cannot bear to see another living being in pain. Indeed, Pisceans feel very deeply about other people as they do not have a strong sense of separation and individuality.
Pisces is an intuitive sign which can receive great inspiration. Pisceans are thus the natural mediums and mystics of the zodiac who can communicate their inner vision through either the arts or the sciences, or caring professions. Pisces can also be a sign of selfless or self-sacrificing devotion, and is capable of truly unconditional love for others.

Artistic, kind, sympathetic, intuitive, visionary, sensitive, adaptable, receptive.


Your Element is water

This is Your Sign

idealistic,sensitive, romantic & poetic

More about Your Character

The dark side
The Pisces personality has a number of sub personalities who are likely to take over at the drop of a hat. They include the victim, the martyr and the saviour or rescuer; and once Pisces gets locked into these patterns, it can be very difficult to shift. This can be hard on other people involved, too, for Pisceans can inflict or receive, considerable suffering when they enter into a guilt ridden phase.
The other negative Piscean trait involves the illusion and confusion which surrounds their ability to tell the truth, known as lying by the more pragmatic signs. Pisceans tend to be too imaginative for their own good, and serve their own good even if they believe themselves that they are serving others.

Impractical, vague, careless, spiteful, manipulative, confused, weak-willed, indecisive, easily led astray, greedy, immoral.

Ailments
Bunions, chilblains, alcoholism, drug addiction, lymphatic and glandular disorders, forgetfulness, insanity.

Beneficial foods
Raisins, dates and cereals.

You are most compatible with
Pisces - totally bliss,
Libra - a fairy tale romance,
Taurus - an excellent match,
Leo - a romantic couple,
Scorpio - such fun and so tantalising.

Absolutely no chance!
Sagittarius - so many problems,
Aquarius - do take care,
Gemini - really needs insight,
Aries - you will need total dedication here.

Your opposite sign
is Virgo

Someone you know?
Don Quixote,
George Washington,
Albert Einstein,
Elizabeth Taylor,
Rudolf Nureyev,
Ffion Jenkins,
Alexander Graham Bell,
Harry Belafonte,
Johnny Cash,
Frederic Chopin,
John Foster Dulles,
Peter Fonda,
Rex Harrison,
Lord Snowden,
Ted Kennedy,
Jerry Lewis,
Michaelangelo,
Liza Minnelli,
Ralph Nader,
David Niven,
Sidney Poitier,
Lynn Redgrave,
Auguste Renoir,
Harold Wilson,
Drew Barrymore.

Someplace you know?
Florida
Maine
Nebraska
Ohio
Vermont
Portugal
South Africa

Taken from Here

Er...so my mom threw away a good pair of my underwear...

Why?
Might one ask.

Because they weren't clean enough for me to wash them.

HUH?!? o_O

If they were clean, I wouldn't be washing them. It's not like I wore them for more than a day. Or soiled myself in them. Christ! I mean what the hell.

This isn't the first time this has happened and probably won't be the last. However, this is the first time I caught her before my underwear were long gone.

She must view underwear as something that's disposable.

Goddamn.

Heh if you're grossed out by this entry you can suck on a lemon >:P

x.X

Patches our guinea pig is sick with mites. I've been prying that she'll be okay. Rob is taking her to the vet tomorrow. *crosses fingers* I know deep down she'll be all right, but I still worry. She's my baby after all.

Today I while I was petting her she kept licking me. I've never had a guinea pig me this much. It was so cute.

So please keep her in your thoughts!



Last picture taken of her while I still had them at my house.

Thank you,

x.X

I felt like posting, but I have nothing to say.

Found yet another band my mom would not approve of (their lyrics). However, the funny thing is she likes them because their music sounds all technoy, and she can't understand them XD

Er...um...what else...

Oh yea...Angel Sanctuary and Hellsing are the only mangas I can see myself buying regularly.

Enough of spewing of random facts.

Have a fucking nice holiday!

X.x

INSPIRATION!





Is something that I am currently lacking.

Give me something…anything…I need my music or a good book/movie to work my magic.

Recommendations?

What gets your mojo working?

x.X

I haven't written in here for a while...couple months give or take...

And it's not necessarily that I am writing much in my beloved Deadjournal either. I just haven't the time or the drive to update much. Heh I used to update everyday in both. I need to do that again.

My droll life needs to be publicated everywhere!

x.X

My mom left me a note. Since I couldn't read it from my position on my bed, I at first figured it was a list of things to do as it normally it is. However, it was telling me that there is some Chinese food in the fridge in case I get hungry and that the fortune cookie on the table is mine. And how she hopes its a good one (fortune).

There are no such things as a bad fortune from a fortune cookie. Instead I notice the ones that don't really give a fortune, but just say a random fact whether it's true to you or not are the mean ones. It's like the fortune cookie doesn't have the heart to tell you that "Your going to lose your job" or that "Your spouse is cheating on you". So instead it just tries to change the subject by naming a random and most of the time useless fact.

What was in my fortune cookie today you ask? Nothing. They forgot to put a slip of paper with a fortune in my cookie.

I wonder what that means...

x.X

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In February I pushed angels_deathbk in the mud (-17 points). In September I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). Last week I helped sdolegendkiller across the street (6 points). In January I committed genocide... Sorry about that, swall0w_my_s0ul (-5000 points). In June I broke aom_leiconz's X-Box (-12 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-5004 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, xhobbitxloverx

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Find your Celestial Choir

I've been feeling rather reserved as you could probably tell from my lack of entries on here. My apologies for that...

Just wanted to let everyone know that I wasn't dead that is all.

x.X

So yea, it's nearly 3 am, and I still can't sleep. I want to engage in conversations with others, but at the same time I'm feeling reserved. Ah, inner conflicts.

Hmmmm has anything happened since my last post. It's been so long you know XD Ah, yes, I bruised my foot trying to talk to my dad, who was stumbling around to put the air conditioner on even though I have the windows open cause it's nice out. Then he tried to tell me that I could still have my windows open as long as I keep the my door shut. He didn't seem to grasp things when I mention how it's a bad idea to have the a/c running with windows open o_O

Yep. So it's just my guineas, Winnie, and me and my bruised foot. *shrugs* At least it got my mind off my arm :P

Blargh! The internet is boring. There are only a select few sites that I go on now unless I'm looking up information, but I'm not in a research kind of mood. So boo on the internet!

X.x

1. You're in the hospital, who on your top 8 comes to visit you?
People

2. If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?
Doesn't affect me none since I don't drink

3. Your CD collection is repossessed. But you may keep one.. which one.
Would I still have bit torrents and my MP3 player?!

4. Do you believe world peace is possible?
Unfortunately, I don't think we can obtain such bliss, but that doesn't mean to stop trying.

5. I'm a genie. Name your wish?
For everyone I care about to be happy.

6. Name one thing about the opposite sex that automatically turns you off?
If they are a jerk...that's pretty simple.

8. Speaking of same sex, what did you think about Brokeback Mountain?
I've never seen it, but I heard it's good.

9. What are you obsessive about?
If I can't find something that I'm looking for, I go nuts.

10. What phone service do you have?
T-Mobile

11. Do people underestimate you?
Indeed.

12. When you're in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?
Rob, friends, and music

13. Honestly, do you talk about Myspace in real LIFE?
Sometimes I tell people about my new profile or song or that I sent a message/comment.

14. Have you ever met someone online in person?
Yep, my good friend Jason, and last night I met this guy who is on one of the forums I use.

15. What do you hope to have accomplished by the end of the school year?
im not in school

16. Do you believe minimum wage should be raised?
Always :P

18. Do you have any really crazy relatives?
No just ignorant

19. Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing.
Probably looking for the hard liquor and arguing with someone >_> Hence why I don't drink.

20. Does everyone in your life know the real you?
I would hope so I've become pretty open and comfortable with myself over the years.

21. Last thing you said about a guy/ girl?
I say lots of things o_O

22. What is the most ridiculous fear you have?
It's not really a fear anymore, but I'd say drowning. I'm not afraid of death, but of drowning. It's weird I know.

23. Do you know anyone in prison?
Yes, but I know them through someone else. I've never actually met them.

25. When is the last time you ate Peanut butter and jelly?
I had a quick peanut butter sandwich yesterday, but no jelly. It's been at least a year since I've had those two together.

26. When did you last have a home cooked meal?
Last week.

27. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
No, I'm a good girl *the devil horns hold up the halo*

28. Name who you miss.
People

29. Are you named after a grandparent?
My grandma on my mom's side.

30. Who loves you?
Everyone ^_^ j/k Hahaha that sounded narcissistic. Um...those who love me I guess.

31. Do you throw up gang signs?
I'm sure this \m/ is consider a gang sign somewhere now.

32. Have you ever broken a rib?
I haven't broken anything yet surprisingly.

33.Last song you heard?
"Frozen" by Within Temptation

34. What was the last thing you ate?
A toaster strudel.

35. How do you feel RIGHT now?
Jittery. I am going on like 5 hours of sleep, and I have coffee in me 0_0

37. Did you go anywhere today?
Not yet, I'm going to my grandma's shortly.

38. What color are your eyes?
blueish-green

39. Would you ever work for border patrol?
No...

43. Are you going to homecoming?
I went along time ago 0_0

44. This question is not available.
This answer is not valid

45. is your b-day on a holiday?
My birthday is the day before Saint Patrick's Day

46. Are you old enough to vote?
Yessum

47. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?
Some aquantices

48. Are you a vegetarian?
I used to be (for like 5 years), but then when I started dating Rob he got me out of it.

49. Do you worry about global warming?
I think it's a crock.

50. Do you like polar bears?
I love all animals!

51. Do you like alligators?
See above answer

53. What slang word do you call marijuana?
Pot

54. Do you have to get your wisdom teeth out?
And many other teeth too

55. Ashley or Mary-Kate?
Oh god no!

56. Do you wear your sweetie's clothes?
Not really

58. Do you have a tan?
Pale is beautiful, but over the last year I accidentally got a bit toasted 0_0

59. Where were you one hour ago?
Outside on my back deck

60. Life... How do you feel about it?
It's what you make of it

61. Have you ever logged onto your bf/gf/crush's Myspace page?
Yea, and he does on mine occasionally

62. Which do you enjoy more: Soccer or Hockey?
Hockey. Violence is golden!

63. Name someone you love.
Hahaha I have a long list!

64. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
True Love.

65. Which of your Myspace friends has a naughty piercing?
How would I know that o_O

66. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine?
No, they would never take him even if he wanted to be one.

68. Would you rather date someone 2 years younger or older?
Age is insiginifcant

69. What's your favorite junk food?
Flaming Hot Cheetoes

70. Who was the last person who messaged you?
Messaged me how? Text = Jon, Myspace = Rob, AIM = Kris

71. Do you know what you're wearing the 1st day of school?
School...?

72. Are you taller than 5'6?
Yep, I'm 6"

XYZ



















you don't know me





X.x

NAME ONE THING:

That will always make you happy:Hugs

That makes you completely depressed: Negativity and self loathing.

That gets you extremely excited: going to an event (wrestling show, concert, etc.)

That you love the feel of: Love itself.

That you love the smell of: Burning leaves even though it's bad for the environment ^_^'

That annoys you more than anything: When people are prisoners to their own ignorance.

That makes you royally pissed: When someone hurts the people I care about.

That you love to hear: A familiar voice at the end of a hard day.

That always makes you cry: When I think about death of a loved one or a pet.

That you will never do: Break a promise

That you have always wanted to do: Be a professional wrestler >_>

That you miss at this very moment: Having my best friends within a close distance

That you never do in front of anyone else: Sing loudly

That you don't understand: Why some people be intentionally mean

That gets you frustrated: When I'm misunderstood

That you absolutely couldn't live without: My loved ones

That you would take with you wherever you go: My dragon ring, black heart necklace, and my other ring (all of which Rob gave to me).

That you could eat anytime, day or night: Umm...cheese!

That makes you want to throw up: Eggs

That makes you feel completely uncomfortable: Uncomfortable situations :P

That others obsess over but you don't care about: How others perceive me.

That you hope you never have to do: Hurt someone I care about.

That you are completely scared of: Nothing that I can' think of really...

That could shock you speechless: This question hahaha! I can't really say :P

That you hate to see: Cruelty

That you collect: dead flowers, books, and autographs.

That makes you snarl when people say it to you: When they tell me I should do or say something that makes up who I am because others might frown down it.

That you see everyday: My Robbie-Rob ^__^

That you need every night before you sleep: Stuffed animals

That makes you smile: Happy things. Lalala

Name one person you think is beautiful: Everyone is beautiful in their own way!

Name one thing you think is fun: Writing and making fun of things (i.e wrestling or movies never people).

Name one place you want to visit: Canada and New Jersey ^_~

Name one of your personal morals: Trust can kill you or set you free.

Name one of your favorite curse words: Fuck and all the various forms of it!

Name one site you visit regularly: Myspace, Deadjournal, Livejournal, and YouTube

Name one song you think describes you: "Safe Little World" by Die Laughing

Name one of your fears: I can't think of any. I'm feeling rather secure at the moment.

Name one thing you love: Animals

Name one thing you hate: Hatred itself

Name one language you want to learn: Latin

Name one occupation you'd like to have: Writer

Name one thing you want to accomplish before you die: To make some sort of positive dent in the world.

Name one thing you are allergic to: Asprin

Name one odd fact about you: "Moo," said the pig!

Name one funny thing you saw today: When Rob and I watched wrestling bloopers online.

Name one funny thing you said today: About Alpha 6 and Ninjor becoming rulers of the world. Also having Alucard from Hellsing battle against the Power Rangers.

Name one thing that shocked you: How much people like me ^_^

Name one thing you did that you knew was illegal: Um...erm...jaywalking? Oh, no wait that's legal in Illinois...

Name one time you stayed up all night: Most of my teen-adult life :P

Name one lesson you always hated: None really. All the lessons have been valuable.

Name one thing that you really cant understand: How others go out of their way to hurt someone's feelings.

Name one day you hate: February 7, 2005

Name one person you love: Rob

Name one thing you most regret doing: Hurting people...

Name one thing you most regret not doing: Not putting a stop to things when I should have, but things have worked themselves out now it just took extra time than it would have.

Name one band you want to see live: Nosferatu

Name one thing that changed your life: Rob

Name one song that makes you cry: None really

Name one time you feared for your life: A couple of times...

Name one thing you like about your appearance: My eyes!

Name one car you want to drive: A Hearse

Name one thing you would give your life for: For someone I love to me happy even if it were just for a moment.

Name one song you are embarrassed to say you like: None

Name one thing you like best about your life: The people who make it worth living.

Name one film you had to see twice: Hahah there have been plenty

Name one thing that really annoys you: Manipulation

Name one time you felt depressed: Argh...no

Name one celebrity you want to shag: o_O none

Name one time you felt like a fake: There's been a couple incidences of that too -_-

Name one thing you do every day without fail: Blink

Name one time you felt rejected: No, I'm not dwelling.

Name one crazy place you fell asleep: The bench at the train station.

Name one time you felt on top of the world: Everyday I'm with my Hun.

Name one friend that you miss: All of them! It's been forever since I've seen them.

For those of you who don't know, the wrestler Chris Benoit killed his wife and seven year-old son then himself a little bit less than a month ago. This came out of completely nowhere. He was scheduled to win the title at a Sunday night pay preview, however he called in Saturday night saying there was a family emergency. He killed his wife on Saturday night, his son on Sunday morning, and himself on Monday afternoon.

He sent various "disturbing" text messages to fellow wrestler, and close friend Chavo Guerrero. The text messages consisted of the location of the guard dogs, his current address, and informing Chavo that the doors were unlocked. Nothing more. All messages came from both Chris and Nancy's (his wife) phones.

Chavo had the police do a welfare check on Benoit and his family. It was visible that Nancy's hands and feet were bond at a point and that she had been strangled. Daniel (Benoit's son) was given a drug that would make one extremely calm and unalarmed to any dangers. Benoit strangled his son with a wrestling choke hold. Benoit hung himself with no note, however, there were bibles placed beside all the bodies (a sign of remorse).

Benoit was not on any drugs at the time these events took place, however, a few weeks prior to these incidents Benoit was pushed to take steroids (as most wrestlers are). He took 10 months worth of steroids in a period of two weeks, and some how was able to pass the so called "strict drug testing" that WWE administers.

So he was not on steroids at the time of the murders/suicide, but because he had taken so much steroids prior to this it screwed up his testosterone levels. Essentially making him insane with rage from the high amounts of testosterone. Whenever he felt a slightly evaluated emotion it would cause him to black out, which would explain on how he was able to calm down even to place bibles.

Yea...so that's it. *sigh*

At first my theory was that he accidentally killed his wife during a game of Erotic Asphyxiation (because his wife was into that sort of thing), freaked out and killed his son out distress of not wanting his son knowing how he died.

Mystery solved. Hooray :\

14 wrestlers have died this year under the age of 60. That's horrible!

X.x